As I slapped on the “war paint” this morning, I laughed out loud. How is it possible that I even apply makeup the same way mom does?! Who knows, but I do.

I laugh like she does, slowly… quietly, unless I’m really feeling tickled.

I much prefer pajamas and staying at home and canceling dates to watch old movies vs. making small talk with folks in my outer social circles like she does.

I have fun laughing with my daughter and nicknaming my daughter and dreaming about my daughter’s future like she does.

I exaggerate my stories like she does.

I can stare off into the middle distance and lose 20 minutes while contemplating situations and remembering memories that only exist in my head just like she does.

I eat soup like she does, blowing on every spoonful even long after it’s cooled to a comfortable temperature.

I love my husband with a passion so fierce it knocks me over at least once a day and I rely on him too much for my life to subsist as it does just like she does.

I buy all the supplies to try a new craft or food creation, but get bored before I finish my first project like she does.

I feel alive when I dance, but never get enough opportunities to do so, like she does.

I like pretty jewelry much more than clothes shopping, like she does.

I want to make a difference with my life, but find life trying really hard to beat me down whenever I give it the best college try just like she does.

I have unhealthy vices that I turn to in times of need (and times of sadness and times of happiness and times of boredom and times of every), just like she does.

I like having pretty things in my house, but am too lazy to keep up with the cleaning like she does.

I love hosting parties (with my husband to do help with the grunt work) like she does.

“Did”, Maggie. The correct tense of the verb is “did”.

Sigh.

It’s been a year since I got the second most dreaded phone call of my life. (Not ranked in importance, just in timing…) A year as a grown-up orphan making really grown-up decisions without a parental’s advice to assist.

A lot has changed this year. That’s a story in its own right that I’m sure will bubble to the surface here shortly. Probably the biggest difference is that I now realize just how much like mom I am. Not “I’ve become”, but “I am”. I’ve always been this way, but never took the time to notice it. Or if I did, I wasn’t happy about it.

Now that I’m flipping the coin and becoming the mom in a mother/daughter relationship, I can proudly and happily say it will bring a smile to my face any time I do something that mom would do. Was she perfect? HELL NO! But she was (IS!) an amazing woman to call a mother and I’m the most fortunate girl since I’m the only one in the world who has that honor.

On the first anniversary of dad’s passing, I got a haircut and had a burger for dinner. Eggroll won’t allow for an extra tall vodka drink, but I think a few hours on a throne, gazing out the window, and doing a suduko puzzle is just the doctor ordered anyway.

“And when you finally fly away
I’ll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell
But whatever road you choose
I’m right behind you, win or lose.”

I miss you mom. I love you.