On the first day, at the first break, of yoga teacher training I realized I just lost a baby I didn’t even know I had. Three weeks later, I lost mom.
That’s a hell of a way to start a new challenge – any challenge, but specifically one where the homework is “sit quietly and reflect on life”. Not really what I wanted to do at that point, but man, once I stopped fighting, I realized it was just what I needed.
When I contemplated the Integrative Yoga Therapy 200-hour certification training at Haleybird Studios, it was because it would grant me more time with the teachers that I really liked, force me to do more physical yoga practice, and maybe give me the strength to get myself up in a handstand. Oh, and maybe enough knowledge to teach at the gym to so I didn’t have to pay the monthly dues. What I got out of it was so much more.
This last year certainly had its highs and lows. And I mean HIGH highs and LOW lows paired with your everyday dramas. It was plenty to send someone with anxiety issues right over the edge. But I handled it and I savored it. Even the shitty parts.
Well, maybe I didn’t “savor” having to go through two more parental funerals nor the cleaning out the house that this one required, but this new part of my life reminded me that I had the opportunity to sing the praises of my mom on high in a speech at her Milwaukee funeral and a chance to spend time with two woman who came out of the far reaches of my social circles to help me get a car from Texas to Milwaukee.
In March, I was talking the talk, but not walking the walk. Randy, who humors me in so many ways, including listening to my probably indecipherable ramblings at the end of a training weekend, gave me the best anniversary gift. It is a fortune cookie with a proverb from a wise man.
This practice gave me the patience that was required for buying and remodeling a new home and for going month after month after month with no news on the baby front. It let me wander a bit on the professional side of things, taking a detour back in the meeting planning world, only to realize that that was not for me, nor are wedding flowers.
It taught me that I’m meant to teach other people. Teach them what? Who knows. Maybe I’m good at teaching them how to stretch out their hinder or strengthen their core. Or maybe it’s more along the lines of helping guide them towards their happy, whatever that means.
As the year took a turn for the better and I rounded home on my training, I realized that I may never be able to do a handstand, but that’s OK. For a woman who struggles with religion, yoga helped me find a spiritual aspect to life that was sorely needed. (And before my center of balance shifted, I could make it to a solid crow. Hoorah for small victories!)
Now as we get ready to bring Eggroll into the world, I find myself in a much better place to take on this next challenge. To find the blessings in the lack of sleep and poop-stained conversations. To appreciate my husband, family and friends, for their love, acceptance, and assistance. To enjoy the quiet and the ride.
I am so grateful for the teachers that guided me through the IYT program and the students who walked along side me during the journey. For my friends for not laughing at me as my hippie quotient got higher. For those that supported me however they could.
Namaste, friends, Namaste.