OMG, you guys. If you need a laugh, I highly recommend Aisha Tyler‘s new book, Self-Inflicted Wounds: Heartwarming Tales of Epic Humiliation. If you listen to her podcast (you ARE listening to her podcast, right?!), you know that she makes her guests share an embarrassing story of the highest caliber on each show. There have been some fantastic ones, but this compilation of Ms. Tyler’s own greatest hits puts them all to shame.
As an example, here is an excerpt about the time she wanted to get her period and thought putting a maxi pad in place would spur on the moment…
“It became clear to me in that first sunlit moment, and remains crystal clear to me now, why (aside from systemic sexism and the attendant glass ceiling) it has taken so long for women to achieve social equality. It is fucking impossible to do anything when you are wearing a maxi pad. Anything. It is like trying to hold a wet soda bottle or a flopping adult mackerel between your legs. As you walk, you look like a circus performer executing a highly challenging contortionists’ trick. You can think of nothing else, and your facial expression betrays it.”
It only gets better from there.
I LOLed throughout the book, but this chapter got me laughing so hard, I was up in the octaves only dogs can hear. Noah was barking like a mad man and Randy thought I was going into labor. She uses big words, potty language and life lessons at the same time! Oh, it was fantastic.
So stop reading what I’m writing and go buy this book. Your funny bone (and the fat kid with braces you were at age 12) will thank you.