This weekend I finished “Me Before You” by Jojo Moyes and I didn’t cry. This bothered me. I am always the crier.
I cry when Daniel comes home at Christmas in the Folger’s commercial. I cry when “Don’t Want to Miss A Thing” by Aerosmith comes on the radio. I cry when I realize it’s the third anniversary of the morning when Randy made me waffles. (P.S. Randy has never made me waffles, but 1. You get the idea and 2. Wouldn’t it be cool if three years from tomorrow I could be celebrating this fact?? Hint, hint, my favorite husband…) You can see why I should be bothered when a very dramatic and emotional book failed to get me (and that I am an emotional basketcase… whatever.)
It didn’t take me long to figure out the problem. Actually, it only took about another ounce.
An ounce?? Yes, my “free” time is now measured in formula ounces seeing as I have one hand free when I’m feeding Malorie. This means I can putz online, watch TV, shove food in my gullet, etc. Or as I was doing this time, skim through the last 30 pages of a book while trying to keep the baby awake during her feeding. In truth, I do those things, but then I’m not giving anything my full attention and fail at all activities involved.
It an effort to get home, health, teaching and/or writing stuff done at nap times and when Randy is home, I fear that quantity trumps quality these days. I’m just plowing through activities without giving them the full amount of time and energy they deserve.
As I already said, when I’m feeding Malorie, I read books. When I sit down to dinner with Randy, I’m thinking about Malorie. When it’s time to sleep, I think about lesson plans. When it’s time to exercise, I think about My Next Big Idea. When it’s time to think about blogging, I freeze up and think about anything else. And I’m always, always dinking around on Facebook.
Moral of the story-I am not being the wife, mother, friend or professional I could be.
I’ve managed to put together decent lesson plans for my Barre classes, but my writing has definitely suffered. As one who has always written best when I could put pen to paper (or thumbs to screen as the case may be) whenever the moment strikes, I know I’ve not recently released the heart-gripping tales I did before February. Sorry!
Why am I writing this now? I don’t know. I’m not going to give myself any grand challenge to focus only at the task at hand. I know I’d fail at that, too. I guess I’m here because I know I can’t be the only person who feels this way.
Maybe I should ask for your forgiveness, patience, and advice as I get my head out of my… ahem… and figure out how to manage it all.
So dear reader, how do you keep yourself focused?
I keep reminding myself that we are only three months into this experience and it will take some getting used to. I tell you one thing though-I bet if I can figure out a solution to my issue with focus (I.E. how to manipulate time), I will be a millionaire.
Oh look! Another shiny object…