Four Things That Need To Be Made For Babies

Saturday marks a half a year. A whole six months with Miss Eggroll by my side. Wow. These 178 days of motherhood leave me FAR from being an expert, but I do know enough now to offer creative suggestions for manufacturing entrepreneurs looking for The Next Big Idea. If these four things for baby had existed, I would have gladly parted with my money. (Can you tell they are mostly related to PLEASE MAKE THE CRYING STOP!!!!!?)

Rollovernomo Sticks ©

Puppy rolling overDon’t tell anybody, but Eggroll is a belly sleeper. Once we (finally) transitioned her to her crib, she consistently would roll on to her belly. Now that’s not a problem. These days, after a few minutes of rolling around in her space, she’ll flip all the way over and cuddle up with Mr. Peepers (not our best toy name, I know…) and zonk out in a position that can only be described as Parachute Jumper.

During month four (my least favorite month), she knew how to roll back to front, but would panic on her belly. Thus we had to go into her room every time she woke up in the prone position, which seemed to be no less than 572 times per night.

If we had had a set of six sticks about the size of a glow stick (think thick rave-going glow stick, not skinny, make-bracelets-on-the-4th-of-July glow sticks) with the same amount of give and a suction cup on one end to stick to the crib which we would place around the perimeter of her body, we could have kept her on her back or at least her side and that problem would have gone away.

Baby-Sized Asshole Pillows

Baby falling asleepNew parents – how many times have you looked back in the car seat mirror to see Junior sleeping with his head cocked all weird and you wonder how he can breath, let alone sleep. A baby-sized asshole pillow* will cure what ails you here! If baby could safely have a pillow that went all around his neck, it would catch the old man head bob AND drool. Win/win!

* If you’re wondering where I get the term for these pillows, look around you the next time you’re at the airport. Does anyone carrying one of these dohickeys NOT look like a total schmoo? The end. (I have one. Actually, we have three. So I’m totally allowed to poke fun. Feel free to call me names if/when you see this sticking out of my carry-on.)

Aftermarket Car Seat Accessories

Decorated carWhen I was in high school, my friend’s car was all pimped out in the most ridiculous fashion. Dude had a remote control for his stereo. Come. On. But he ruled the school as he rolled in blasting Ace of Base, fast forwarding with his handheld control.

Same would go for baby if they made snap-in entertainment pieces that fit into the lid of car seats. Eggroll loves her light show in the crib. I can only imagine how much cry-free time it would buy me if we had something similar for her to look at in the car. A friend has purchased a Kindle for her little one and placed it in the view window of the lid. That’s brilliant, but I don’t think we need anything fancy. Just a monkey waving and one button to press (over and over and over again…) is all we need at this point.

Pacifier Headgear

Beautiful HeadgearEggroll digs her pacifiers. For the most part, she now only uses it to sleep, but for awhile there, it was the only thing that worked. Couple that need for the pacifier with the inability to actually keep it in her mouth and we were all in a world of hurt. If only there was some sort of necklace or harmonica holder-type contraption that we could have put on her to keep the pacifier by her face. Sure, we would have gotten called in to social services faster than you can say “choking hazard”, but oh, the four minutes of peace would have been totally worth it.

Those are only the first four inventions I’ve come up with so far. I’m sure there will be more.  Have you thought of anything that should be created??

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