There is a Facebook event floating around my circles and probably yours, asking women to write letters to a 12-year-old girl named Josie. Her mom was the person to put this together to combat the bullying and self-esteem derogation Josie is receiving from her school’s “Mean Girls”.
This meme is gaining enough traction that I am positive Josie’s mailbox will be full of positive reinforcement, but I know there are lots of other Josies out there. Perhaps every other full-blooded 12-year-old in America might be able to consider themselves Josie. Here’s my open letter to them all.
___________________________________________________________________________
Dear Miss Josie:
What would you like first, the good news or the bad news?
Bad news? OK. Let’s get that out of the way.
Being 12-years-old blows. Actually all of the middle school ages are kind of atrocious, but I think 12 is the worst. Your brain is old enough to want to be pretty, but your body is rallying against you as you suffer through the worse bouts of acne, baby weight, and fights with mom about what is fashionable. When you look in the mirror, you may not think you look pretty. Here’s the unfortunate fact – you’re probably not at your best. But who wants to peak at 12? (And you know what – your “eh” is still beautiful!)
The good news – you won’t be 12 forever. Though it may sometimes feel like it, you’re going to be off to high school, then college, then your first apartment in the big city before you know it. There may be some version of those Mean Girls at each of those stops, but, I promise you, they become less and less important to your self-worth.
Even next year in eighth grade, you will find your circle of friends who provide a barrier against the Mean Girls and the Nasty Boys and you guys will start thinking about high school. Once you get to high school those Mean Girls become freshman meat to the upperclassmen and will spend all their time covering their own asses. Meanwhile, you can start branching out and figuring out what makes you happy. Perhaps its cheerleading or yearbook or math club. I don’t care what you pick as long as you find a corner of that school that makes you happy. You’ll find good friends and even better support here.
Soon, you’ll be thinking about colleges and what you want to be when you grow up and then it will be time to pack up your bags and head out. It’s going to be so scary and sad and make you question everything about what you’re doing, but remember back to today… You thought going to middle school with the Mean Girls was scary and sad and made you question everything you do…. You’ve already made it out of their clutches relatively unscathed — you’ve got this college thing (or interview thing or asking-the-boy-out thing), sister!
We know you’re going to be awesome, so let’s go back to the Mean Girls for a second. Looking back at my experience, those girls were just as frightened by all the changes happening in our lives at the time as I was. They were just kind of assholes about it whereas I hid in a corner, wanting to watch from afar. They may look like they are happy and Queens of the World. Perhaps they are. But remember that part about “peaking at 12”? Yep, these ladies will never have better days than they are having right now.
That jerky personality is going to catch up with them in the next couple of years. There’s a chance they may realize their mistake and turn their personality around. Or they may become hard, bitter women that spend too much time on their wardrobe and diet and too little time surrounding themselves with people, hobbies, and a career that could have challenged and comforted them into adulthood.
In a weird way, look at the bullying from the Mean Girls as a compliment. It is proven fact that these girls are fueled by jealousy, so there must be something about you that gets them all fired up. If you ever figure out what it is (perhaps you’re prettier or smarter or have better parents) do NOT hide that part of your life. FLAUNT IT. I’m not one of those people who says “try to make friends with your bullies”. Nope. You may want to understand where they are coming from to know this truly isn’t about you, but you can play mind games, too if you want. Or even better – ignore them. Oh, will that get there goat!
In conclusion, I’m sorry you’re going through this sucky part of life right now, but as my mom would have said “this too shall pass”. You’re going to be fine. No, not fine… Great!
And when you find yourself at 33 and looking back to those ugly, ugly middle school years, I promise you’ll laugh. Those were most certainly NOT “the days”. Almost every day since has been better than the one before.
Go get ‘em, girl!!
