Editors Note: My dad had a theory – everything in life can be boiled down to “no boyfriends or two boyfriends.” This is my addendum: a crappy boyfriend sometimes feels better than no boyfriend at all.
A while back I had a boyfriend who I thought was the real deal. It started off kind of weird and clandestine, but I think he was the first guy who had dinner with my parents. That was serious. He took me out and for the most part, made me feel good about myself.
So when the dude dumped me for greener pastures, it surprised me that I couldn’t work up any tears. How did I spend this much time invested on something and not care at all? But after many sappy songs and cotton commercials, I just couldn’t do it. Instead, I think a friend and I went out to dinner. I moved on with life about an hour after the big break-up took place because already I knew life would be better without him.
Well, I find myself here again. No, Randy isn’t going anywhere (except in my dreams). He is the rock in my stormy seas. Instead, I find myself left behind by a job that I knew from day 14 wasn’t a good fit. Seriously, they probably should have let me go then. Did I do a bad job? No. Instead, the new ad agency that they hired on day 13 of me working there made me “redundant”. (What an ugly word…)
I still tried. I had some successes and some failures. I learned a lot of lessons and came to celebrate the infrequent compliments like they were gold. It was another relationship that didn’t sit right from the start, but just like the old boyfriend, I was lonely and needed a challenge and interaction with a new circle of people. If I overlooked a few glaring issues, it was a great place to be.
In all honesty, I was only about a week or two away from quitting myself for my own greener pastures (more on that in a few weeks…), but no one likes being the dumpee. I especially don’t like it since I wasted a lot of brain space with anxiety on spring vacations and weekend work. I’ll never be able to go to Reagan International without thinking about That Infamous Email* ever again.
All that said, I can’t bring myself to sad tears this go ’round either. It truly is for the best.
This all happened last Thursday. The evening before I had my monthly yoga book club which is like bible study with a different good book. This time we were discussing “Aparigraha” or nonpossessiveness. In a literal sense, yes, this means we don’t need stuff. Absolutely true. But our group’s conversation was more around trusting life to give you what you need; not to cling to people, situations, or things with the expectations that it would continue to keep you happy. Specifically:
What if we could trust life like we trust the breath? What if we could take in all the nourishment of the moment and then let it go fully, trusting more nourishment will come?**
Well, shoot. Maybe I am learning after all. I got all I needed from this job. I now know I can be great at food photography. I am meant to work with the teeny, tiny companies that are just getting their sea legs. And if nothing else, this experience reminds me I have the courage to ask for anything I want. I know more nourishment will come. I can’t wait to see what it is.
I keep in touch with the old boyfriend and am happy he has built a beautiful little family. Obviously, I’m in a great familial place myself. I know the same can be said for this company. Five years from now when they are on every grocery store shelf in America, I’ll be proud to say I was once a part of the team AND, by the way, look at this much cooler thing I’m working on now.
It all works out in the end.
* Let’s go have a beer and I’ll tell you all about it. I’m not about to burn bridges here.
** From “The Yamas & Niyamas: Exploring Yoga’s Ethical Practice by Deborah Adele